ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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