I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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