I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
