i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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