just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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