You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it because I queefed?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
