I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
this is an emotional support booty call
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
