Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
