help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
