just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
