ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
