How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
