Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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