i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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