the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
