can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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