so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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