The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
