Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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