I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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