I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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