4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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