Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
