Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
