just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
