she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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