Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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