so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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