Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
