I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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