I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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