I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
