there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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