So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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