yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
