I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
