Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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