I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
