glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
