WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
...so i touched it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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