I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
