The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
