Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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