we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We need to rekindle our bromance
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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