porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
