Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
