I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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