Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Maybe he injected his testicle?