On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP