ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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