before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
