I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And the cops told us we were all naked.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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