There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
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Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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