well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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