My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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