I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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