I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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