all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i think i just lost a toe
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
