my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
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Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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