so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
