just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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