dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
