i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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