you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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