lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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