I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
