unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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