Soap is not a condiment
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
