Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
