New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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