My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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