I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Life is so much better after having sex.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
