I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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