I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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