Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
