Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
